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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the words this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's response is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who choose against having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic display.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {