These Advice shared by A Father That Helped Us when I became a New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her main carer in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to talking about the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger reluctance to talk between men, who still hold onto harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to request a respite - spending a couple of days away, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor actions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."